My perennial complaining about all things All-Star will take a more quantitative approach this year. After a few conversations with friends about some of the players being voted on the official All-Star roster –and how these players might actually be the opposite of All-Stars–I decided to look over all position players (and a few pitchers) in the NL for a true sampling of the worst. Some of the worst are obvious; they are having a bad year, their numbers are down, or their teams are performing poorly. And in some cases, an individual player may be labeled “The Best of the Antis,” meaning not only are they the contender for the worst at their position, but they have in some way hornswoggled their way to convincing the fans that they are arguably the best at their position and are either an actual All-Star or were serious contenders be on the official All-Star roster. So instead of complaining about Bud, the rules, the implications, or the fans, I’m going to construct my own team of MLB position-players who represent the worst of National League baseball.
1B: Ryan Howard nudges out Casey Kotchman and Lance Berkman for worst at first. Kotchman’s numbers are low, but he’s never been a big run prodoucer and he doesn’t have an error this season. And while Berkman is on hitting well below his career average, his whole team seems to be struggling. Howard is an admittedly tough choice, because he has produced a lot and NL first-basemen have been particularly good this year, in general. I’m focused on Howard’s low average (.252) and lowest OBP (.325) of any NL first-basemen. Then there are the strikeouts. Sorry Ryan. But you do get to make the Best of the Antis, having made our way onto the All-Star roster. 2nd choice: Whoever is manning first base for the New York Mets. Since Delgado went down in May, his replacements have produced absolutely nothing. In fact, they have even lost a few games for the Mets.
2B: Dan Uggla, Florida Marlins is the easy pick here with his combination of weak defense and poor offense. Uggla may have 15 HRs and 46 RBIs, but his average and on-base are dismal, no doubt supplied by ample strikeouts and flyballs. Uggla’s 7 errors don’t tell the whole story, either. He’s a poor second baseman at best, and his combination of limited range and insistence on backhanding routine ground balls firmly establishes him as a starter on the Antis. 2nd choice: Kelly Johnson. .286 OBP–need I say more?
3B: Emilio Bonifacio is young and the Marlins have tried him at a number of positions, but with 13 errors playing 3rd base and a .258 average (.303 OBP) with no power, he is the lock for the Antis starting lineup. Is my second choice, Mark Reynolds, a 3rd baseman? He’s played mostly at 3rd this season and is backing up Bonifacio. Reynolds gives the Antis some power, for sure, but his poor defense, mediocre average, and league-leading 111 strikeouts earns him a place. And if it’s decided he’s not a 3rd basemen, Garrett Atkins (.225 BA/.302 OBP) is probably available.
SS: Jimmy Rollins, who was nearly on the official All-Star team, has to be the Anti’s shortstop. Rollins is a good defensive shortstop, so I won’t paint that picture. But offensively, it’s hard to imagine him ever having a worse year. His power hasn’t completely disappeared, but the hits have. He’s OBP is a stunning .276, no doubt influenced by a .176 June batting average. JJ Hardy would be a logical pick to back-up Rollins (Hardy was also 3rd in voting at one point–what’s going on with shortstops this year?), but instead I’ll make my second choice Rafael Furcal. Batting 30 points below his average and not stealing any bases, he’s fallen under the Los Angeles radar, but that doesn’t mean he’s not an Anti-All-Star.
C:Jason Kendall will start for the Antis, as his .232 average with 0 HRs promises he won’t be a threat to get on base. And only throwing out 22% of runners, he won’t be a threat to anyone who decides to run, either. Around the 5th or 6th inning, we’ll give him a break and let the second choice, Bengie Molina, in for a few innings. While among the more powerful of catchers in the NL (10 HR, 47 RBI) all three walks he’s earned this season have dangerously suppressed his OBP to only 6 points higher than his average. Plus, he throws out runners at a lower rate than Kendall. On your marks’, get set, go!
OF: Alfonso Soriano, Milton Bradley, and Manny Ramirez. I know, I know, two Cubs in the outfield. But who could pass at the chance to field two individuals who are horribly inept defenseman and mediocre at the plate, combining to give Chicago a collective migraine this summer? Soriano’s OBP is less than .300–and he hits leadoff! Can the Antis ask for anything better. Hopefully a leadoff homerun will put the NL Antis up in the first inning. Bradley is equally questionable at the plate and in the field, but with the added bonus of being a basket case in the clubhouse. What would an Anti-All-Star game be without Milton assaulting one of the fans? Then there’s Manny. It’s no secret I’ve always kind of liked Manny. I like him a little less since his PED use was made public, but anyone who acts more clueless then plays as well as he does, all the while harmonizing the public’s cognitive dissonance between their All-Stars and the steroid-users has to be an Anti-All-Star. Plus, while Manny and Alfonso didn’t make the All-Star cut, they were serious contenders for most of the season and will represent the “Best of the Antis.”
A few more conventional outfield backups would be Brian Giles, Willy Taveras, and Daniel Murphy. Sorry, Brian, but it might be time to hang up the spikes for good. You’re 38 years old and not even batting .200–they don’t want to send you down to the minors. Things aren’t much better for Taveras. Former league-leaders in stolen bases don’t repeat with a .288 OBP and 15 walks in the first half of the season. Chances are he might get on base more if he never swung the bat at all. And Brian Murphy, the sophomore slump has set in as the Mets are running out of options and getting ready to audition you to be a pitcher. Offense is down, and your play in the outfield has cost the Mets more than one game. You clearly don’t belong in the outfield, yet you play there–all the evidence needed to make the Antis.
Pitching: Because Ian Snell was sent back to the minors (2-8, 5.36 ERA) Barry Zito will be starting for the Antis. Zito has won only 4 games this year and through 16 starts has barely been able to get his ERA below 5. While there are plenty of starters to choose from for the Antis–some with arguably worse numbers than Zito–Barry gets the nod because he presently being paid 18.5 million dollars to do his job. Backing up Zito will be the Washington Nationals bullpen. 19 blown saves in the first half of the season insures no chance of winning the Anti-All-Star game, and after all, isn’t that what this game is all about?
I vote for Brad Lidge to be the closer.